Happiness is a Warm Gun

"Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain."

First blog so far, and it took me so long to get started. For those that do not know me, I am a 17 year old female with so many inspirations and thoughts that become overflowing water in a glass. So why not express these thoughts here? Ahead of time, I am thanking anyone that may read this and perhaps enjoy it and maybe even learn from it. They say without mistakes you will never learn what is right and what is wrong, but sometimes learning from your own mistakes becomes tiresome and sometimes fatal.

Though I haven't lived for long, I have certainly gone through hell and back, but we wont be getting into my personal history. I am here to talk about friends, relationships, family and what is need to maintain these vital ingredients in your life.

First and foremost, let's talk about family. Now I was blessed with an amazing mother, of course, she has her flaws but what human doesn't. It has been just us two for years until my second step dad came along, who I genuinely consider as my real father. These two individuals have accepted me for me and didn't question a thing. I identify myself as a lesbian, for rather valid reasons, and when I came out to them, although my mother had a hard time coping with it she told me she loves me no matter what and will always be there by my side. My father, on the other hand, supports me 200% and that is like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I am very much thankful for the family that I have and their support and I know that many individuals in the world don't have that support and don't experience this love, so I wanted to thank them and give 'em a shout out.

Next, friends are very important. It's always hard to make friends because you always fear of betrayal and getting stabbed in the back when you have put so much energy and care in keeping everything in tact. I have been friends with malicious people and it's a horrible feeling, but you only learn from your mistakes. You can never let anyone pressure you into anything and once you notice that these "friends" cannot accept you for who you are and judge you and judge your flaws and throw everything in your face as if you did not care, that is when you know you have to back away and move on. My friends now are amazing and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but due to so many battle wounds, there is a constant paranoia of getting attacked once again.

Finally, relationships. Being gay in today's society is much easier than it was ten years ago, however, it's still not a piece of cake. I have been with guys who have used and abused me, and I have fallen for girls who stepped all over me and used me for their benefit. (Though girls are so much better, can't deal with the penis thing, it's like...oh..penis..wow...I'm going to bed now.) Anyway, I now have an amazing girlfriend who treats me like a queen but after so many let downs, I have put up so many walls and barriers with barbed wire all over them, that I thought feeling like a human being would be impossible for me. Now, yes, I am only seventeen, but growing up in Ukraine with an abusive father that was practically never there and going to one of the hardest private schools and deal with all of the poverty and violence surrounding you, you kind of have to let go of that childhood and grow up. So here I am, a 17 year old who feels like shes in her 30s. Scary, I tell you.

Moral of my rant? No matter how bad things get, there will always be a light. You will be stuck in a dark room for so long, but one day, even just one time, there will be some one with a candle lighting your way to greatness, and that is what the people in my life are doing now.

Ignore those wounds, don't fret on the silly things, keep on fighting, keep your head up, and be grateful for what you have.